caring for others

In an internal workshop on generational diversity a few weeks ago, our speaker, Jamie Notter, discussed an example of a generational conflict in the workplace. In essence, the example illustrated two coworkers at odds - one who valued "talk time" and one who wanted to get down to business. There was more to it than that, but this is the piece that spoke to me.

I've always seen myself as the get-down-to-business type. Yes, I think I'm pretty good at socializing when I need to, but my patience for chit-chat when a business agenda is at hand is pretty marginal. There's a lot of value in getting to know your colleagues, but I think there's a time and a place - usually on the periphery of work. And, even more, I was taught that you just don't discuss personal topics with coworkers - you never know when it might come back to bite you. And now, with a baby at home and school after hours, my preference is to just focus on work at work.

Recently, I've discovered just how much other people value that kind of engagement. I've struggled in relationships with people who place a lot of value on interpersonal relationships and exchanges. But, I realized that it's not so much about sharing personal information; it seems like it's mostly about demonstrating that you care. When you ask questions (not of the too personal type, of course) about other peoples' lives, you show that you care about them as a person. When you share your life, you show that you are human. It seems quite obvious, but it was an eye-opener for me when the light bulb switched on. And, thought it's early to judge, it has seemed to make a significant difference in my relationships when I recently made an effort to take an interest in others' lives. I think it may even make life easier when conflict arises with those individuals.

Something to give thanks for this week.

(Oh, and by the way, Jamie's presentation was terrific!)

a resource that worked

I am way overdue in sharing the big wins from our annual meeting. One of the most well-received things I have ever done at a meeting was this year's onsite program. We called it a learning guide. We slimmed it down, page-wise (to reduce waste), cut out speaker bios, spiral-bound it, added in note-taking areas for each timeslot and, best of all, put the schedule-at-a-glance on the back cover. Over and over, attendees remarked to me and our staff about how much they loved the new piece. I've even had two attendees email me post-conference lamenting their loss of the "workbook" on their way home.

When was the last time someone actually noticed a publication you did?

Interested in seeing it? I provided it to ASAE's Knowledge Center as a resource. Search NACHRI from their Web site. It's the top result.

The last lecture of Randy Pausch 1

in case you need a reminder

living now

I'm listening to Oprah and being reminded of an important life lesson that I learned quite early in my own life. It's something you hear all the time... live in the present, be present, don't worry about the future, etc.

I was fortunate enough to have the great experience to work in an inpatient hospice facility early in my career. Of course, I met many people who had lived long, full lives. But I also met many people whose lives were full, but short. The image of one patient has forever been etched in my memory.

She was a young woman, in her early 30s. She had a daughter, probably 6 or 7 years old, and an infant, less than a year old. She had brain cancer and the front quarter of her skull was gone, almost as if it had caved in. The kids came to visit in the evenings, but I will always remember that Sunday afternoon when her brother came to visit. She sat in the recliner at the end of a long hallway which opened up onto a garden. It was autumn and the warm golden sunshine filtered in through the big windows. And he played the guitar and sang to her. And the next weekend she was gone.

It's a memory that I reflect on from time to time... a powerful reminder to me of how anything can happen to anyone at any time. I know that when I live with intention, in the present, I feel much different. I'm glad to be reminded today.

getting back to business

Back in the office after our annual meeting - so yes, I am alive. One of the things I try to do right away following the conference is hold debriefings for staff. It gives us a chance to figure out what we did right (and therefore, should keep doing) and where we can make some improvements. It always fascinates me how these discussions often fall on the side of how we can improve. Why is it so hard for us to see what we have done well?

I know I face this challenge in my own life. For instance, I received two papers back from my instructor on Tuesday night. The first thing I did - look at the grade, and then look for any comments that provide insight on what I can do to improve. I knew I was doing it as I was doing it.

So, how can we focus on the positive? I am very familiar with the appreciative inquiry process, so I realize there are techniques, ground rules, etc., that can be used and established to drive this process, but I wonder what it is that is inherent in our personalities that causes us to focus on what's wrong? Wouldn't we feel so much better about our work and our selves if we focused on everything that we've done right and looked at our shortcomings as opportunities for improvement?